Father and Son: A Saturday to Remember



    Saturday I crawled out of bed while my son was still asleep. I went to the bathroom and went through the routine of holding one of my husband's shirts and crying, covering my mouth so that my son could still sleep undisturbed. This has become the routine. After I got myself together, I turned on my phone and my husband had texted me that he wanted to see our boy today. Since my husband's truck is not running well, I offered to bring our son to him and pick him up when he was ready for him to come home. Home, it sounds so funny to still call this house that but it is what it is; a house. 

     I found myself excited because I knew how much our son really needed to spend time with his dad. The past four days had been really hard for him. Our boy had been overly agitated, aggressive, mad, sad, and let's face it, he's missed his dad. So when my husband was ready for him to come over, I got our son up and got him dressed in a new short outfit I had purchased last week and drove him over. I took some snacks and some foods for the two of them. My husband is paying bills so far for both places and having to still furnish the old house, the house we lived in for 13 years and I knew the food would be hopefully well received. I loaded the car with the fishing poles and tackle box and made the trip over there. My husband walked out with a genuine smile that I hadn't seen in awhile. His eyes sparkled with joy at seeing his son and I almost let loose with the waterworks. He made it all about our son, and our son, I believe felt truly as if he was the center of his father's attention, and he was. I drove away and then the waterworks started but it was because I was happy for the two of them. There had been so much sadness, anger, and hurt and my son was now smiling and ready to have some fun. 

      A few hours later, I saw a picture my husband posted of our boy fishing on the river bank. It was heart warming. When I went to pick him up, my husband wanted me to come in and see the house and what he'd been doing and see where eventually what he'd have ready for our son when he stayed on overnights. I didn't want to go into that house. That had been our first home; we'd spent the first 13 years of our lives together in that house, but I swallowed that lump down when my husband reminded me that we're trying to be friends. I'm hoping we can be friends. We started out as friends in an Algebra class in high school. 
   I still hope you know that maybe one day we can reconcile but if this is the only part of him that I get to keep is being able to be his friend, then I'll take it even though I'll always hope and I'll always love him. In 21 years one just does not unlove someone. Well, at least not for something like this. I want him to be happy. I want him to be the guy he wants to be; the man he's always wanted to be. I just hate the turn of events for him to get there. I guess that's the lesson, huh? Everyone has to be happy for themselves before they can be happy for someone else. I'm grateful to him today for making his son happy and for reaching out to his son's heart. Children should not be used as pawns in the wars of their parents. Children should be loved and our son and our daughter are both loved. My husband has a lot to learn about his son and so far they are off to a great start. I didn't ask my son what he and his father talked about; I told him that what he and his father discuss and do are between them-not mom. I did ask him if he had a good time and he said, "YES" with such enthusiasm. His dad made sure he hugged him in the car before we pulled away and my son had the same smile his dad had. This was definitely a Saturday to remember. It is one I am going to hold on to when the grief of things hits. 
    

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