The Rest is Still Unwritten

    I'm more at peace with the end of my marriage than I was at the beginning of all of this. It doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt, it still is very much painful. I have a few job prospects which is better than what I had a week ago. I've had some people reach out to me; single parents who have been either in my shoes or close to it. The support has been great from everyone. I have to say that when something like this happens, there really is a grief process. I have gone through each stage at least twice now. I no longer try to question, "Why did this happen to me?" or "How could he do this to me?" It is what it is. We're hurting each other by going back and forth. I'm never going to get the answers I need and it's only going to cause more problems with us being able to help our children get through this because let's face it, this isn't just about me and my broken heart; their hearts have to matter and take priority. I do not want them to hate their father. Whatever failed, failed with him and I, not with them. They are angry and they have a right to be but I am not going to divide them against their dad, good dads are in short supply these days.


     So outside of finding a job, and trying to learn to live on my own with my son and trying to relearn how to get along with my soon to be ex-husband, I'm meeting people. I'm not looking to get remarried or jump into some big love affair. No, I'm just looking to make new connections and see where it goes. At some point sooner or later, my ex is going to move on if he hasn't already, and I'm going to have to follow suit. I'm an adult woman and I'm not a martyr so it's going to be new learning how to get back into the whole dating thing again. The next fella will have to be pretty out of this world to have my heart. It's strong but it's fragile too. For twenty-one years it loved unconditionally one man and I'm not trusting it to just anyone. I believe that someone is out there. I have to, because the alternative is a sad one. I no longer hold out hope that my soon to be ex is going to come back. After all this, I think we both found out how really different we are. Everything about us is different other than our love for our children.

   I'm still upset. I mean, I'm angry that all this had to happen but like I said before, I'm never going to get the answers I want. I still believe though that two people can love each other and they can stay together no matter what comes their way. I believe in love and I believe in happiness and family. Just some people fall and others are able to weather through it. That's what I am looking for-and I won't take less; it's what I deserve and he's out there somewhere.

     I'm pretty sure after I hit "publish" on this I'm going to fall apart. I still have a lot of crying moments but I get through them. The only person they hurt or affect is me and that helps them go away and I have a lot of support to help me get through them too. I'm very grateful for it. Not sure when the next blog post about this will take place but stay tuned, okay. Let me know what your thoughts are after reading all these posts.

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